Oct 25, 2023 / By Vicente Ajenjo

Why the ego is not an enemy and you should not fight him

The ego enjoys notorious fame: in our dictionary of synonyms, this concept follows a comma after arrogance, awake, selfishness and other not the most attractive features. It is not surprising that we want to destroy this enemy. But the problem is not at all in the ego, but in our distorted, illusory ideas about ourselves.

Psychologists are sure: if we didn’t have an ego, we could not be considered mentally and mentally full -fledged. Without this intermediary between conscious and unconscious, nowhere. You can make it your ally or get the enemy in his face. The ego makes us suffer, but it can protect us from suffering in the future. Nevertheless, do not forget that it ..

The greatest deceiver

According to a psychotherapist Yoav Dattilo, “the ego is the worst fraudster of all that you can imagine”. The ego is insidious: most of us are not even aware of its existence, meanwhile, being completely and completely in its power.

Its insidiousness is also that it acts as a magnifying glass, forcing us to appear brighter and our advantages and disadvantages. It turns out a certain “exaggerated” version of ourselves, and it may seem attractive to us. That is why we often surrender to the power of the ego with such ease, without rendering the slightest resistance. It is hiding where we would never look for anything, hides under the guise

of our thoughts and emotions.

When we want us to be considered the best boss in the world, my most witty friend, the most outstanding writer, we strive to become in something the most and most, this means that the ego has prevailed. Seeking that our illusory double is happy, we not only set unattainable goals, but also harm ourselves and others. And if someone criticizes this fake image, we perceive it too close to heart: it seems that they threaten our entire personality.

“Why is it happening to me? Yes, anyone would like to be with me! Why did he answer me like that? Nobody listens to me!»We are absorbed by ourselves. Only “I”, “I” and “I”. It seems to us that the world rotates around us. We look at everything that happens through this egocentric filter.

The paradox of a painfully inflated ego: it seems that it gives us confidence, but in practice – only harms. Comparing ourselves with others, we begin to doubt ourselves. Ambitions in the end turn out to be disappointed.

The birth of the ego

According to the American psychotherapist Mark Epstein, “the ego is a way of organizing himself, it comes from intelligence when the mind becomes clear”. We exist – and therefore, there is our ego.

The French psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan introduced the concept of “stages of the mirror”, describing in detail how the child begins to recognize himself in the mirror and at the same time realize his autonomy. Our ego is born out of fear and isolation. It forms our identity and separates us from others.

Egocentric people are constantly at war with the world – they try to protect their fragile illusion

The ego blinds us and makes us blind others. We believe that our idea of the world is the world, and we are trying to convince the rest of this. We want them to look at what is happening by our eyes.

Our ego loves constancy and security. It feeds our illusory idea of ourselves, and this gives us a sense of satisfaction. If someone questions the reality of this image, we automatically perceive it as an attack, and such a person immediately becomes an enemy. That is why self -centered people are constantly at war with the world – they try to protect their fragile illusion. In which, by the way, no one except themselves believes.

Be yourself

So, the ego occupies our thoughts, controls our emotions and memories – both bad and good. The problem, however, is not in himself, but in what role it plays. Hand in hand with the desire to be richer, smarter, better, more beautiful and stronger than others, there are fatigue and doubts about oneself.

The common truth, which does not become less true from this: do not look back at others – you must be yourself. But, as Stephen Fry noted, “we become ourselves only when no one looks at us”. We want to stay forever in the illusion of who we are, but life has the ability to change. And we ourselves change.

And yet, despite everything said earlier, the ego should not be considered a source of all our troubles. We just need a healthy ego. So, you need to get rid of it not from him, but from the illusions of ourselves.

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